Re-entry?

March 1, 2009

What is the antonym of retreat?

Anyway, here are some thoughts currently at the forefront of my mind that may not have been digested quite completely, but here we go…

Years from now or even months and weeks from now, I don’t want to look back and wish I had gone right instead of left.  I don’t want to muck around waiting for God to bail me out of my stupidity or waste time thinking “what if.”  I don’t want to have my heart and my mind get into a game of “I told you so.”  I don’t want to pray prayers designed to write him out of the picture once I get what I want or what I think I need.  I don’t want to regard him as training wheels that I can take off once I feel okay on my own, because when it  actually comes to real life I sure as heck don’t have any muscle memory.

Pastor Dave poignantly observed that too often we focus on intimacy with God, this idea that he’s a soft cuddly teddy bear that listens to all our problems, over the idea that he is Lord.  He already knows all our problems and the fact that he is this all-powerful, supreme being to be feared makes the intimacy that much better.  But what does it mean that Jesus Christ is Lord?  Too often have I relegated that word to merely being filler in prayers.  The reality of the self-centered lens with which I view so much of the world around me is frightening.  I’ll do this but not that, I’ll go here but not there, because that’s what makes me comfortable, that’s what makes me happy, that’s what fulfills my goal through what I think is the best possible way.  And what about God?  What about the Lord who is supposed to have sovereignty over all that I do, who is supposed to have dominion over all of my thoughts and plans?  At the end of the day, if he said, “Get uncomfortable, shake things up, be radical, be uncool for me,” and yet I dared not make a move out of complacency and uncertainty and fear, God will be perfectly justified in rejecting what little I have to offer him.  Because it’s not that I didn’t bring my A-game, it’s that while knowing his rules and terms, I, rooted in self-centeredness, still wanted to play with my own.  It’s not that I didn’t know exactly what God wanted, it’s that I knew better, but I chose worse.

Years from now or even months and weeks from now, I want to look back knowing that I have loved the Lord well, that I have heard and answered his call in an extreme way. I want to choose the right fork in the road in submission and obedience. I want to be convinced that every move I made stemmed from confidence and courage and certainty that I found in him.  He is an absolute Lord with absolute judgment.  Simply put, never will our just and righteous God negotiate or take the excuses that we make for screwing up.

以上です。

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4 Responses to “Re-entry?”


  1. wow… this is so true.
    I’ve browsed through a lot of blogs and this entry was one of the few that really comes out and starts talking to me.. “He’s our Lord, not our teddy bear.”

    Thanks; good post.
    And don’t worry, you’re not the only one questioning with what-ifs. It’s the only thing I’ve been asking myself for the past two days.

  2. jp Says:

    i liked when he pointed out how easily we trust our sinful, flawed selves yet have such a difficult time having faith in a perfect, almighty God

  3. Julia Says:

    =) werd..!

  4. Dwight Says:

    Great thoughts…. to last for a lifetime….


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